In the beginning was the Word and the Mum and the Dad and the Stories at bedtime.
Then came prehistory with Dinosaurs and Stig and Ursula Andress in a fur bikini.
Then the Ancient Days when elves and hobbits and piglets and wizards and tiggers ruled the earth.
His father read tales of these times to Young Tim, in the days before the Many Arguments and Tears and The Leaving.
Next, the History Years: Tudors and Saxons and Plantagenets and Suchlike, each with dates and wars as appropriate. Eventually Queen Victoria invented Childhood and Christmas and Industry and Victorians.
The First World War followed, fought by poets in trenches; the Second was between Good and The Germans. After that, things went modern, but first in a drab way, until rock and roll and satire and then that was the week, that was.
The Age of Aquarius dawned and men walked on the moon and everything was liberated.
But soon it was The Future and the planet became run by Commanders of the Space Fleet: men and women like Zogg Qwertyuiop of the USSR, Zak Zapp of the USA and Lady Pink of Modonia. Leader of the UK was Commander Brett Buzzer, who was also centre forward with Albion United.
The populace wore bri-nylon suits and walked like supermarionettes through tubular cities. Great Britain colonised the moon having won it off the Americans and Russians in the competitive sport that replaced warfare under the World Government.
Meanwhile supercomputers the size of skyscrapers invented superobots which invented gismos to make life ever more futurish.
The Warp, an evil alliance between the Mafia, racialists, SMERSH and the Venusians, began to threaten democracy with bombs and infiltrations. Repression grew.
President Qwertyuiop was assassinated and riots erupted around the globe.
Sit-ins at Space City, street fighting in the Moon colony,Then dawned the second Aquarian age of astralele bands and happyjuice.
PM and his neo-groove revolutionaries swept to power.
Rumours spread that Buzzer had been a double agent of The Warp, that he had fled to the moon where he was stirring up counter revolution.
Maybe Brett Buzzer is the sinister Mister B??!!
NOW READ ON!